11/05/2005

A Wrench in the Works, part II

Wow. Just wow. Where do I begin?

There was a time, not so very long ago, that I thought "I could never be Catholic." Apostate, corrupt, deceitful, distracting . . . these were all adjectives I'd used to describe the Catholic Church. I was a daughter of Luther -- someone who loved his faith so much he was willing to die for it, and who believed his church had gone astray. He did what he could to save it from within, then left when he realized he could only keep his faith from without.

Luther was a good thing. I still believe this. I love his heart, his courage, his commitment. And he did what he set out to do -- in the end, the Roman church reformed itself on the matter of indulgences-for-sale -- which was the crux of his grievance from the start. It was only later, after the bitterness of rejection and persecution had clouded his vision, that he made many of the changes he did in his own theology, and by extension, the entire protestant world's.

But therein lies the rub. Luther's actions were never meant to start a new religion. He didn't intend to split off from the Catholic (universal) church. That he ended up doing so is an accident of the Roman church's slow reaction and Luther's own human frailty.

Where am I going with this?

Sigh.

My husband went out of town this week. I had a lot of time to think, pray, read, study, etc. And somewhere along the way, God smacked me upside the head with His truth -- and I'm pretty sure He told me it's found in the Roman Catholic Church.

Oh, my God, my parents are going to kill me.

The website I have listed at the right, Scripture Catholic, was the final straw, so to speak, though at the time I thought it was nothing more than a catalyst. But I say it was the final straw because looking back, God had been setting me up for this all along. How did I not see it? The desire for liturgy. The longing for Holy Communion. The constant whispered reminders that if I truly believe, my WORKS will tell the story. The searching online for a Crucifix to wear, because I felt like I needed to remember Jesus ON the cross and what He did there, and not just the fact that He had risen.

At the appropriate times, He placed little treasures in my path, things I didn't even know my heart was pondering until the full truth of them hit me all at once like an avalanche. There was a little article that mentioned in part how protestants were like Pharisees and the Church like Jesus: these upstanding religious people wailed and tore their garments at the sheer arrogance and audacity of an entity that would call itself the one true way. It cut me to the core at the time, but I ignored it. Then the article about infant baptism -- backed up with thorough Greek scholarship and exegesis. It was enough to make me want to barge into my toddler's bedroom at 1 AM and baptise him myself, only I didn't know if it would be considered valid.

And then I saw the citation at the bottom of the article: Scripture Catholic. I spent hours at that site, Bible in hand, poring over text after text . . . only to find that, when read in light of Catholic theology, Holy Scripture simply CAME ALIVE. I have always envied Beth Moore for her sheer joy in reading the scriptures. She is on fire for the Word of God in a way I always thought I could just hope to be. But as I read the Gospels with the mind of a Catholic, I had the same passion. Peter was real. Jesus was real. Paul was real. Mary was real. Not that I didn't believe in them before, but they always felt so far away. But I suddenly I felt kinship with them, and a real sense that they were right there with me, saying "See? We've been there too, and we have so much to offer you if you will only come fellowship with us!" And I knew that the way to do that was through the Communion of Saints, found in the Catholic Church.

I'm not there yet. There are still too many questions. But here I stand, on the edge of the Tiber, and suddenly it doesn't look so cold, deep and shark-infested. Suddenly it looks like I could walk on that water like Peter did. Straight across into the arms of my Savior.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You write magnificently. So much passion. It's odd to me that you should anthropomorphise the universe in such a way. All things complex, are simple once we understand them. Organized religion is capitalization of the margin between complexity and simplicity. Fear not ignorance, for we are all igonorant. Faith need not endeavor an understanding of the written word.

11/05/2005 09:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anne in Va said...

What are you planning to do next?
Can you find a priest you can talk to?
This whole thing is really fascinating.
You really are laying it all out there.

11/06/2005 04:13:00 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

I'm bawling here!!! I just sent you "My Story" and updated MY blog and thought I'd come check yours... Oh dear one, how I long to give you a great big hug! At first you had me laughing, I KNOW how it feels to realize 'God set you up' and I know the joy that yet awaits you... and yes, that walk IS just as you imagined it... on a path you never thought possible and it does find its end in the Saviors arms... surrounded by the Communion of Saints who have prayed, cried, and cheered for you all along! Some joy is simply too much for the body to bear, and mine is oozing out my eyes and coursing down my face. God has been courting you dear one... and just proposed!

11/06/2005 09:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome home!

11/06/2005 11:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What an extraordinairy peek into your life. Thank you for the blessing.

11/06/2005 11:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What an awesome peek into your life. Thank you for the blessing.

11/06/2005 11:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have been given Grace, dear lady! The scales have dropped from your eyes and you can now behold the entire Body of Christ, not just the "head on a pole" that the other Christian churches worship. In your search for the Truth, the truth has set you free...

all through biblical Catholicism (not the oxymoron that the "biblical churches" would have you to believe!). A big welcome home to Rome.

11/06/2005 11:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tears and sniffles here. This was me almost 10 yrs ago so I have a good idea about what you are feeling. shock that this could be true, dread in telling friends and relatives but yet so convinced that you don't know where else to turn. Thank you so much for sharing, you are a talented writer. I am praying for you. RoaminCatholic <><

11/06/2005 11:34:00 PM  

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