No one said it would be easy (notes on discipline)

Why is it that I expect my Christian walk to come naturally to me? Why is it that I use my natural "bent" as an excuse for not doing what God asks of me, when God is the one who made me this way in the first place?

There is an issue in my life that may seem trivial in the great scheme of things, but really, it's not. The issue is this: I am so NOT a morning person. I mean, useless-before-ten-A.M., talk-to-me-after-I've-had-my-coffee, please-for-the-love-of-God-just-ten-more-minutes NOT a morning person. It is actually painful for me to wake up in the morning. In my working life, I was fortunate (or perhaps not-so-fortunate, in the bigger picture) to have a series of understanding bosses who let me keep a 10-to-6 schedule rather than discipline me for not being there by 8. My new boss is 16 months old and not nearly as permissive. He rises at 7:30 on a good morning, 5:30 on a particularly hellish one. I am invariably still deep in Dreamland when his call comes over the baby monitor. If the hour is too early and the world still dark, my husband gets up and tries to put the little guy back to bed. If it's a good day, I get up, carry the munchkin downstairs, stick him in the high chair with some fruit and a piece of toast and hope that he doesn't notice I'm still asleep.

Why is this important? It speaks to a larger lack of self-discipline. Proverbs 31 speaks of the excellent wife and mother. She is, above all else, disciplined. Working late into the night and rising before the sun, she attends to the needs of her household and her community and her family calls her blessed.

Right now at my house, there is a mountain of laundry waiting for me in the basement. Toilets need to be cleaned, junk sorted through and donated, and dishes unloaded from the dishwasher. I woke up at 7:30 this morning with the baby, it's now 10:20 and all I've done is give him breakfast, take a bath, give him a bath, and surf the internet. I could have accomplished much more than that in 3 hours, but I didn't feel like it. How ugly! How lazy! How sinful!

I often rationalize my lack of self-discipline by telling myself that those who are successful homemakers are probably natural neat freaks and early risers. It must be easier for them. But who ever promised me it would be easy? I'm called to serve God and my family in an honorable way if it kills me! Literally. It being "easy" or my even wanting to do it doesn't matter a bit. Was suffering on the cross easy for Jesus? Was watching Him die easy for His followers? Right now, my ministry is my home. And while it may seem to pale in importance to the work of Christ, in a way, it IS the work of Christ. What I do here and now will largely determine the fate -- spiritually, emotionally, relationally and otherwise -- of my son, not to mention my marriage. Do I want my family to call me blessed? Do I want to honor my Lord and my God? Then I need to stop expecting "easy" and come to relish "hard."

I've got to go -- hard work (and much joy) calls.


Anonymous Dixie said...

Okay, that's it -- now I know the truth: we are twins, separated at birth!!


10/21/2005 09:31:00 PM  

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