Five Ps (pray for me)

Well, after my emotional highs of this weekend, reality and the enemy have come crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. I am down. Really down. I'm fighting a cold, I'm physically exhausted, my toddler has entered the realm of intentional disobedience (isn't it fun?) and at my yearly checkup yesterday I found out I currently weigh as much as I did at nine months pregnant with my son.

I feel like a failure in every area of life. My one bright spot yasterday was receiving Holly Pierlot's "A Mother's Rule of Life" in the mail yesterday. But even that was short lived. I read half of it in a single sitting, and realized that 1: I am failing in every area of the "five Ps" she talks about in the book (prayer, person, partner, parent, provider), and 2: Her way of climbing out of this hole may not work for me because my son is too little for me to be able to implement most of her suggestions.

Nevertheless, I'm starting with the first P, prayer, as it seems that's the only thing I can do. I can't aspire to her lovely way of rising before the kids and praying in solitude (my son is an insanely early riser and, as I've mentioned before, I'm useless before 9 AM). But I can certainly sit down to morning prayers over coffee while my son is occupied with his banana and cereal. I can't have the baby do a "quiet time" or send him outside to play alone, but I can use his naptime to do my specific praying.

As for the second P, person, I clearly have to do something about my weight gain. I haven't exercised (other than hauling around the baby) since my son was born in 2004. I eat for pleasure, not just nourishment. No one who saw me would call me fat, but I am 20-25 pounds over where I know I can be, and 15 over where I probably should be. My blood pressure is elevated, I feel sick and tired all the time and I am just generally not in very good shape. So the first plan is eating better. I'll get to exercise when I get the food under control -- right now I have nowhere to do it anyway and it's too cold to go outside.

And the last 3 Ps. Oh, boy. Well, those will just have to wait. Not in reality, but at least for the purposes of this journal, because my son just woke up and I must go attend to "P-4."

Pray for me.


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